The Cartographer's Confession
#I have been drawing maps of a country I've never visited.
Every morning at 4 AM, before the honest light arrives, I sit at my drafting table and ink rivers that flow toward no sea. I name mountains after feelings I can't articulate in conversation — Mount Almost, the Ridge of Saying the Wrong Thing at Dinner. There is a vast desert I've labeled simply Oh.
My wife thinks I'm having an affair. That would be easier to explain. How do you tell someone you love that you've spent eleven years constructing the complete geography of an imaginary place? That you know its trade routes and prevailing winds? That its capital city has a population of 2.3 million and a failing public transit system you've agonized over?
The country is not a metaphor. I want to be clear about that. It has mundane problems — potholes, corruption in the southern provinces, an aging electrical grid. The national bird is a small, unremarkable sparrow. I chose it specifically because it was unremarkable.
Last Tuesday, I drew a cartographer living in the western district of the capital. He sits at his own drafting table. He is mapping a country he has never visited. I gave him my wife's eyes, then erased them, then drew them again.
I think he is mapping here. I think he is hunched over his own strange devotion at 4 AM, inventing a place where a man wakes too early and draws and draws, and cannot stop, and has no explanation that would survive being spoken aloud.
We are each other's loose thread.
I have started including a legend in the corner of every map: You are nowhere. You are nowhere. You are here.