The Cartographer's Confession
#I have been mapping a country that does not exist.
Every morning I rise at four, before the light can interfere, and I ink another river into the western province. I name the tributaries after women I almost loved. The mountains I save for evenings, when my hand is less steady — it gives them a truer shape, I think. More like the way real mountains refuse to hold still against the sky.
The capital city took me seven months. I gave it a cathedral with no doors, a market that operates on the barter of small secrets, and a fountain in the central square where the water runs slightly upward on Tuesdays. No one has questioned this. No one has seen it.
My wife asks what I'm working on. I say government contract and she nods the way she nods, which is also a kind of cartography — a mapping of all the places she has decided not to go.
The truth is I started with a mistake. A coastline that curved where it shouldn't have. Rather than correct it, I followed. One lie requires a landscape. A landscape requires weather. Weather requires people who complain about it. And now there are 4.2 million of them, give or take, and they need schools and hospitals and a national anthem and someone to argue about the national anthem.
I have given them two political parties and a growing disillusionment with both.
I have given them a word — solinca — that means the particular loneliness of being in a room where everyone is laughing.
Last night I dreamed in their language.
This morning I woke and reached for my pen and the western province had a smell: wild thyme and diesel and approaching rain.
I think they are mapping me back.